Welcome to my Personal blog!

I'll update this whenever I can! For now, be wary of possibly heavy subject matter.

12/20/24

It's 2 am while i type this, but things have been alright. Talking with my psychiatrist has been really helpful, she's very sweet. Well it's 5 days until christmas! i still feel empty. I've never been too big of a christmas person, but i think i took my previous years for granted. I feel insatiably empty this christmas i think it's because i feel like im restarting my life almost. I'm trying to atone for my wrong doings by rebuilding myself back from square one. I painted again recently and it was fun, i enjoy watercolors! I'm also recently getting more into odd movies and films like Nobuhiko Obayashi's movie, house! and school in the crosshairs. If i figure out an inbox/entry kind of system, I'd love to hear some weird media recommendations!

I'm mourning who i was at the start of this year. I hope whoever future me turns out to be is nice. I got a head cold yesterday and my brain feels like its gonna pop. I never knew my perception of the world was this warped. Happy at least i can start the new year as an entirely different person.

12/17/24

Today was okay, nothing really of note. I went to a science nature center place though with a friend of mine and it was really fun! I saw all kinds of bugs i really like and he got me some things at the mall! I've been a bit more focused on my artwork as of lately and i've described how creative process a bit.

I want my work to purposely be hard to look at almost. At least when i create vent artwork i want it to be a genuine glimpse into the real ugliness that mental illness brings. I've been through a lot, but I've also done a lot of harm at the same time. like carbon monoxide poisoning you never know how bad it actually is until its far too late and you're already dead. I of course create my "normal" artwork with things like my characters, things i enjoy, etc, but when it comes to this kind of work i try and showcase kinda what if feels like when you've been out of therapy for 3-4ish years and have severely needed it

12/16/24

I'm still sticking with this layout until I can figure out how to set up what i have in mind. I actually drew a few layout ideas on a more personalized and fun-looking website! I'm still learning the ropes but i've been having honestly more fun than i thought learning this stuff! Anyways i guess heres some info on myself!

I'm 18 as of starting all of this! And please call me benny :o)

  • I am autistic with a special interest in clowns!
  • I really enjoy surrealism and creating strange things
  • The weird bug looking character you see on my homepage is actually named Battery!

    • That's enough introductions for now. I'll nickname this whole thing "Project Cakes-Web" silly name i know, but i have a LOT of ambitious ideas in mind for this whole personal site thing. I'm more art-minded than i am code-minded! I've never been good at these things.

    That's all for today! But i really do enjoy the very personal feeling this whole project has. It gives me something to look foward to working on everyday :o)

    I'll be working on an art page soon so i can show off some of my work!!!!! At the moment my headers have been my own art!

    here's a bit of a sneak peek mockup for what I have in store... ;o)